The University of Pittsburgh wants paid. Not yet, thankfully. I know that I'll need financial aid to cover my program, but I want to do my best to minimize the loan (potential fist-bump coming from financial advisor), by applying for as many scholarships as possible. That I actually qualify for, I mean.
Last week I started to visit the free scholarship search websites, which is a lot like running through an unavoidable cosmetic section of a department store, to escape the women who are hell-bent on spraying something on you, or worse, drawing scary eyebrows above the eleven-step eye makeup that's a sure improvement over what God gave you. Which is one reason why I've boycotted malls and department stores. But, that's another creepy story.
So, through today, the scholarship search has produced one opportunity I've applied for - a $2,500.00 award from a wonderful-sounding sorority called Zeta Phi Beta. What a remarkable group they seem to be - and they award a half-dozen or so undergraduate and graduate scholarships each year. I'd be honored to earn one from them. Explore it, if you have the need to for someone. I never would have learned of them except for scholarship.com, or FastWeb or FastAid (I forget which site delivered it).
Now, this is where my enthusiasm for the online scholarship people starts to dip a little. And, here is why I don't think it'd be the worst idea ever for the match.com folks to takeover the scholarship guys; golf turf management. And, horseshoe pitching. For starters. Those are just two of the...unusual...activity selections on one of the scholarship sites.
What you read next, I swear...I am not making up (right, Dave Barry?).
To help match students to scholarships, the online scholarship people (OSP, to shorten it from now on) ask for the expected basic background information - GPA, standardized test scores, stuff like that. They also encourage completion of a detailed student profile to improve the search results - duh. So, to help with that, their solution is to provide various "organization/activity" sections, intended I guess to personalize results as much as possible. I'm all for that. I'm also a 46-year-old "career do-over" graduate student who has done a few things since high school and undergrad, so the extracurricular activity options that the OSP folks provide, aren't really a good fit. Like golf turf management, which I'm sure rocks for the 1/2% of students who can claim it. And, as cool as it would have been to select the "college newspaper cartoonist" or the "harness racing" options, it just didn't seem like a good idea.....though I might do it later just for fun. It was also concerning that Pittsburgh wasn't an option for my "city of legal residence", or that Pitt wasn't included in one site's "schools you plan to attend" section. Maybe I should've applied to Bergen University of Norway, instead. Under "special characteristics" I could've chosen - and I am not making this up - "undergrad named Gatlin", or "left-hander attending Juniata College" ....but none of the things I would've really liked to mention. Like, I am a !$##!#*#%! female middle-aged career-do-over occupational therapy grad student, who's ready to get going and needs some !#$##!! money!
So it's not shocking that the scholarship matches I've gotten based on the inputs I could provide, are a little whacky. I mean, do I really qualify for the $5,000 award for architects, and the $2,500 for travel agents? Or is my doppleganger messing with the me?
I'm trying to be as specific as they ask but, c'mon OSP people. Help me - and the others like me - out a little bit here.
Which brings me back to today's proposition - that online dating effectivity beats online that for scholarship-hunting. I can build a scorecard to support it. I just finished a basic match.com search. For fun, let's compare those results, to the some of the scholarship sites':
Scholarship
- Agriculture Loan Foregiveness Program - it's $20,000, but I don't think the tomato seeds that an expert gardening friend gave me, are going to get me there.
- PMI John Fondahl Memorial Fellows - for people in project management. Wait...maybe that means that LOOKING for scholarships is like a PROJECT, which the looker is MANAGING. Yes, that's gotta be it!
- Brickfish "Best Toy Ever" Contest - umm....
- Grand Canyon State Games Essay Contest - winners must attend a southwestern US college. Pitt, the Big East conference, Pennsylvania, Eastern Standard Time. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Eastern Standard Time. But, that's right....the 'Burgh doesn't exist! Which means the Steelers never won the Super Bowl! And my Pens never won the Stanley Cup! Sigh....
match.com
- Holy cow. It says that there are 2,000+ "mutual matches" based on my selections, including preferred age range, distance from me, "interests/activities" and "favorite hot spots" (not THAT kind). It's hard to imagine that over 2,000 men within 50 miles, are that compatible with me. So, even assuming that 95% of them aren't really compatible because their best friend - or ex-wife - coached them through their online profile (which means they don't REALLY like pillow fights, or running in the rain)....that leaves 100 solid-quality matches. That's about 94 more than the three scholarship websites - with no 50-mile limit - were able to produce. I was going to highlight a few dating matches to make the point, but I'll save "akbobnpa"* and "runrefrun"* in case one of them ends up being the reason I change my facebook relationship status someday.
*Not their real online dating names. Or....are they?
So, the online matching effectiveness scorecard? So far, I'd bet my first semester...okay, maybe just my textbooks....on a match.com takeover of the other guys.
But, I'd still win the pillow fight.
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