Danny

My friend Danny will be graduating soon, then heading to Duquesne University this fall. I admire him for lots of reasons - he's worked harder than most people do to reach this point, he respects and loves his family and friends, he relates quickly and easily to everyone he meets, and he's a hell of a dancer. He's human sunshine. Danny has Down Syndrome, but I don't think anyone would mind if it were renamed Up, for him.

In a week or so he'll graduate from the school program that's he's been part of, and then walk with the the other graduates from the high school he would've gone to, if he weren't "Up". And then, just like a lot of his classmates, he'll go to college. His parents and older brother have cultivated a normal life that Danny contributes to, like anyone else.

And no one, contributes exactly like he does.

For example, Danny and his Dad (Jeff, a good friend) came to help dig me out from under Snowmageddon a few months ago. Jeff's enormous snow blower broke through, but Danny's wild "WOOOOO, yeeaaahhhh!!" shoveling kept us far out ahead of any thought of stopping. I mean, who could quit on that? That boy has some lungs, muscles, and a huge heart. He knew my Mom needed rescuing and wouldn't let us stop until I could back down the driveway. He also wanted to show off his upper-body strength. Did he, ever.

Last week he knocked on my door on prom night....showing off his look, as suave as could be, swinging his fancy cane, and excited for the night of dancing with his date and friends. He blushed when I kissed him, but didn't hesitate to smack me back. A few nights later he was off to another year-end school formal, looking just as debonair.....but his graduation party in a few weeks should be 'island casual'. It's MUCH easier to dance, in cargo shorts and funky sneakers.

I'm starting school a few months earlier than Danny will be heading off to his Duquesne University program. I'm ready, I'm excited, and I'm anxious about some things. Danny, is ready, he's excited, but he is not wasting his energy thinking or worrying too far forward. He's too focused on today's activities and pleasures to bother much with nerves. I only have some sense of what his school day is like, but I am absolutely sure that it's packed with the same attention to this very minute, and curiosity, and laughs, that his hangout time is.

So, what if I - or any of us - were more like Danny? Aside from having a closet full of cool Hawaiian shirts and a bitching CD dance collection, we'd also.....

Know that whatever is happening right now this minute, is just fine.....take people as they are and give them a chance, even if they have a hard time understanding you.....eat as many s'mores as you like because you don't get them everyday.....not hold back anything, ever (even the occasional gassy stuff).....help.....not apologize for what you feel deeply but do say "sorry" if it's insincere (No, Faking, says Dan)......let your guard down, people won't disappoint you.....don't let the worst version of yourself (which will turn up once in awhile) stick around too long.....hold onto pure love if it's offered from others.....dress up when it's time, dress down when you can......and always, lay down the boogie and play that funky music til you die.

You think you can dance? Dan knows he can.

So, Dan is at school now and will get off the bus this afternoon, asking how my day was before heading into his home to see how everyone else's day went. And, getting ready to be a college man....AFTER, making sure that today is done, well.

You're the man, Dan.

The "nap-read-repeat" Experiment, and other Year One Thoughts

Sigh....the Mellon Arena (forever lovingly, The Igloo) will be quiet, my stunning 16-year-old niece is quickly looking forward to life after Beaver Sr. High School, my Mom's 73rd birthday was yesterday, lots of high-school graduation parties. It's kind of a reflective time, so I'm looking back.

Just a little. Just a year. I'm geeky that way.

It's been about a year since I lost a job with a company I loved for most of my time there, with people there I still love. But I'm about to start a two-year graduate program in a field that so far, seems so gratifying that I can't believe my luck in having the opportunity. So, I want to check-in with myself, and record some of the things I learned between the two events. Geeky, I know. But, I just want to remember that.....

• Even though some other careers sounded equally gratifying, I chose the right one.


• I can share a work bathroom with four healthily gassy men. And, a spider.


• There's a huge value in being income-poor. The financial restrictions of planning full-time studenthood have helped me appreciate more what I already have, and get creative about how I spend what I can. Just ask the mailman, who liked his homemade Christmas gift so much that he gave me a homemade, "you really shouldn't have" card in return.


• Certain people are irreplaceable. So I'll be less full, if the bond breaks.


• How to be lazy: work hard and be busy, so that you actually salivate and dive passionately into idleing time. Laziness, in doses...the best. Especially, with a fellow idler.


• Cheerleaders are everywhere. People really do want other people to succeed.


• Caring for and being with others is boatloads better, than hyper self-absorption.


• The garage will probably stay the creepy spider haven that it is. I will rip up carpeting, I will change light fixtures and toilet seats, I will paint, I will prune big trees with big scary pruners. But that garage, will wait for my future husband - wherever you are, darlin.


• I would've loved being a stay-at-home Mom. But I also love work outside of home. Am I really that unspecialized? Maybe, I'm just really lucky.


• The garbage men will take anything, for a few bottles of water and a little appreciative sweet talk. And, homemade cookies.


• The Allard School crossing guard is really Santa Claus. He HAS to be.

Now the other thing, was the Idler experiment. You know, because a few of you've been asking how the "nap-read-eat-read-read-nap..." plan has gone. It sounded great back in January but right after that, I started working lots of part-time hours, and endlessly shoveling snow. So I didn't truly try idleing until last week. And I can tell you, I took it too far. So.....

• How not to be lazy: Extreme Idleing, as done last week. It annoyed the HELL out of me. I had no part-time job accountability, avoided people, and ignored anything other than basic life functions, some frenzied tree-pruning for garbage day, and, the confused dogs. By Wednesday I was a self-certified sloth, and couldn't start a coherent thought or utter a meaningful sentence. Probably because I laid awake all night after too many daytime naps (so, sadly, no young David Cassidy dreams). A few friends told me I was "off" and seemed worried that I'd turned into a sleep-deprived 14-year-old boy. So, thanks, SO much for the mid-afternoon calls to make sure I'm now not sprawled on the couch, or patio, or, your front lawn.

So, experiment interruptus. Or at least, revised protocolus. Back to "normal" activities. Which means I'm back to being girl-with-a-twist, sleeping through the night, then unleashing whatever I usually unleash on the world at large.

And, so darn thankful, for all of it.

There's a Fine Line Between Anal and Retentive

The show-of-hands was kind of fun the last time, so let's do it again. How many of you have a love/hate relationship with your favorite local TV weather person? Okay, more than I expected. Well, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. And you won't, after this.

This morning it occurred to me I could be the best local weather forecaster ever, but unfortunately I'd need the entire news time slot to share it. It's a curse, the need to share the full story in all its guts and glory. It's my Dad's DNA, in me. I know it. My Dad was a great talker, with one of those silvery voices you wouldn't mind listening to all day long. And we did.

Daughter: Happy Retirement Day One, Dad. How was it?

Dad: Aw, thanks honey. It was busy...first your Mother and I had breakfast together. You know, that great breakfast casserole she makes when we have company. Except this time she used Canadian bacon instead of sausage. I think she usually uses Bob Evans sausage but maybe she didn't have the coupon for that. But anyway, it was SO good. So good. I had to have two plates because I haven't had a breakfast like that on a weekday for so long. Wow, I better take a good long walk tomorrow. Maybe I'll just drive down to the Trail since it's nice and flat. This neighborhood is SO hilly, you know. Which is probably what I need but I'm not so sure about my knees anymore. Anyway, after breakfast I.......

Daughter, 37 minutes later: Dad, I'm glad lunch was so good, too. I hate to stop but I have an early day tomorrow. Can I call you then? Love you.

Dad: Wha? Oh, yes! Of course. I forgot you're my corporate girl. Which reminds me......

So what's this got to do with the weather?

This morning when I woke up I expected to hear horrific hail, and to see that my neighbors' minivan had landed in my driveway. And I'd planned all sorts of indoor projects because MY LOCAL WEATHERMAN SAID IT WOULD BE CLOUDY AND STORMY, ALL DAY. The perfect day, for indoor things. So instead, I woke to the kind of partly sunny skies and brittle breeze that make me antsy, and more likely to take a roadtrip, or transplant large shrubbery....anything outdoors. Which is exactly what I did. I'm sure it was cloudy and stormy all day someplace in southwestern Pennsylvania. It just wasn't anywhere near me.

That's when I imagined that this Dad curse, could make me the most reliable and helpful weather girl anyone has ever seen. Because I could tell folks......

"North-northeastern quadrant 11, you'll start seeing sprinkles at 6:48 Monday morning. That's a little atypical for you all but I expect that time advance due to all the hot air - originating in the southwestern quadrants 63-74 where the Tea Party rally is tonight - pushing quickly your way. But, 11, showers will also end before the elementary school kids start their walk to school at 8:13am, so leave the slickers at home."

or,

"Now, looking at the 5-day forecast for Wyngate Drive addresses 128-143, the best times to plant those tomatoes will be Tuesday between 3:28 and 6:59 pm, and anytime Friday afternoon. Remember, tomato plants love warm soil and mildly breezy conditions, which you'll have in spades during those times. Wyngate 101-127, the breezes just won't be there for you then due to the topographical features of that darn hill, so don't try to plant just because the others are. Happy planting Carol!"

It's the Curse. Like Father, like Daughter.

It's been worse since going back to school. Last fall I was in anatomy-physiology/biochemistry course pre-work, which just might be the worst thing for someone like me. The terminology for body parts and processes and other fun things, are lengthy. It's detailed and exacting and takes forever to write, and even longer to speak it. And, we were allowed - encouraged - to blah-blah-blah all of it.

So the Dad curse is a kind of glossopharyngealorrhea.....just think, "oral discharge". Which means if I actually were a weather person, we might just have a hate/love relationship.

But I'm just a girl, with a twist. And a curse. So tolerant love/love mail only, please.

Love you, Dad.